A Refuge too Seldom Seen
by Fain on Fire
Summary: Somewhere, some while before the Battle of Trost, Lance Corporal Levi slowly weaves his way through the streets to visit a very important place and spend some time with some of his own reasons for fighting.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: When I started this fanfiction, I got about halfway through before I remembered that Levi was originally a rogue in the "criminal underground" or whatever you want to call it. So for the sake of the story, pretend that he has parents and that at some point he made good with those parents. If that irritates you, I sincerely apologize. I'll have it right next time.  
_

**A Refuge Too Seldom Seen**

A small cloud of dust kicked up as he whirled around, eyes slightly widened. The wind whistled softly as it blew through his black hair and rolled over the top of the market stands. Children over in one corner laughed and giggled as they tousled in the dirt, and the constant chatter of the slowly swarming citizens droned against his ears. He quickly turned left and scanned the houses and alleyways that way, then sharply turned right and looked closely over the stands and alleyways that way. He then turned round once more, his head swiveling and his bag swinging as he looked around every direction. Where in the hell…?

No, he couldn't have forgotten where it was. Lance Corporal Levi then picked an alleyway and started to stride down it as confidently as he could. No, he would _never_ forget that place; there's no possible way he could ever forget how to get there. He turned nervously right around the next alley. Thousands of other people walked routes just like these every day and never lost their way. He spun left and marched down the next alley. _No,_ he was not lost. He was not lost. He just made a wrong turn somewhere; he was just a little off. He looked quickly at the fork in front of him and hastily proceeded down the path on the right.

Everybody ended up a little off. Nobody forgot a place as important as that. Nobody… He stopped suddenly as he emerged into the sunlight and once again stepped into the makeshift marketplace only a dozen feet from where he had started before. Levi slowly dropped his head into his hand and gave a deep, slow sigh. He was lost.

About forty-five minutes later, Levi finally ended up in front of the old wooden porch he had been looking for. He let out a deep sigh as he shrugged his jacket off and lazily threw it over his shoulder. Faint, fuzzy memories slowly flitted by as he climbed up the steps. He was hardly ever here- away much more than any normal person should ever be allowed to. The three knocks sounded solid and deep as he rapped his knuckles against the hard wood. He uttered a single curse against himself in his mind for not being able to come back sooner.

After a minute or two the door creaked slowly open as a slightly wrinkled face clothed with long silver and white hair emerged from behind the threshold. Her face lit up in pleasant surprise, "Levi, sweetie!" He managed a groggy smile and put his bag down as the older woman rushed forward and wrapped her arms tightly about him.

"Hello, mother," he sounded out with faint warmth as he put an arm about her shoulders.

She chuckled from her gut, "Well, goodness, someone's tired."

"I'm fine, mom."

"Don't you try to be tough to me, young man. This is your family, not the military." She gave her son a firm squeeze before she released him and invited him in. "Come on in, dear, supper's still a little warm."

Levi picked up his bag and stepped into the house. Everything about it spoke comfort, from the oaken walls, the crackling fireplace, the handmade furniture, the rugs hanging from the walls, to the pictures of his childhood and family standing on the mantle above the fireplace. But something was missing. He looked around and peered down across the living room and kitchen toward the bedrooms. Not here. "Where is…?"

"Oh, he's asleep, dear," his mother quickly replied, "I could hardly keep him awake long enough to finish supper."

Levi nodded his head, let his bag down beside the living room couch, draped his jacket across the top of it, and stepped carefully over toward the right bedroom's door. He leaned against the door's threshold and peered in silently, watching over the bed.

The lance corporal's mother finished making her son's plate and set it down at the table. She grabbed their can of milk from earlier and began warming it up next to the fireplace (neither her husband nor her son would admit it to anyone outside the family, but warm milk was their favorite) when she noticed Levi leaning against the bedroom doorway. She watched him carefully with a small smile before she said, "Levi, he'll still be there after you eat."

The lance corporal said nothing, but stood there for another moment or two before he hesitantly left the doorway and began walking over to the kitchen table. He stopped when he saw his mother hunched over, warming milk. "Mother you don't have to - "

"Oh hush!" she snapped as she waved him off. "You know how often I get to warm up milk for my family with you in the Survey Corps?"

"Father doesn't still drink it?" Levi asked curiously as he sat down.

His mother sighed, "Sometimes. He sort of grew out of it a few weeks after you left for the military. Really, he only drinks it the nights you come back."

Levi gave a small nod. He still remembers that look his father gave him when he'd said he'd join. Not disappointed, angry, or confused – but "Where is he?"

"Oh, he went out to your uncle's farm further within the walls to help for a few days," she remarked as she returned to the table and began carefully pouring him a glass. "One of the animals was just a few days from giving birth, and there's a lot of repairs that need done." She handed him the glass. "There you go, dear."

He smiled and said a soft thank you as he took the glass, then picked up the spoon to eat the stew before him. That's when it him. Oh man. Supper. Not just supper, but _Mom's_ supper. He had hardly thought twice about what or where ate for a while. Sometimes he threw around some "complaints" about the food just to pick with the commander or the cooks, but being in the Survey Corps he knew he was lucky to just be alive to eat it. But oh, man. He knew this was going to taste a lot better than anything else he had in a while.

He put a small spoonful in his mouth and closed his eyes as he savored the all the little vegetables in their stewed broth. Levi swallowed with a little surprise. "How did you manage to get enough meat to put into this?" Last time he checked, prices were still through the roof and most meat went to the military. It was supposedly going to be that way until they retook Wall Maria, if and whenever that would be…

His mother gave a deep chuckle. "Your uncle regularly takes some off of what he gives to the military to keep for himself. Your father goes off on him nearly every time he sees him, saying they'll have his head if they find out, but your uncle…" She huffed her chest out, picked her chin up, and deepened her voice a bit in imitation, "I'll be _damned_ if I'm going to work my ass off for this meat and not have any for my _own_ family! Head or not!"

His mother laughed and Levi gave his own first genuine chuckle in a while. The relatives of his extended family could be something else when they wanted to.

"So how has everything been?" his mother asked. Levi finished a thoughtful bite as he looked up at her. Flashes of memory flitted by his eyes. Corpses, grass stained with blood, yelling and crying…

"It's been fine," Levi calmly replied, "Though we'll be heading out again pretty soon."

"Oh?" she said almost worriedly, "You won't be going tomorrow will you?"

"We're not supposed to be," Levi remarked as a shadow passed over his face, "Sometimes the priority of the missions get bumped up, but we're supposed to have a few days rest this time." He took another thoughtful spoonful.

"Everything fine with your squad?"

He nodded. "They're rambunctious when they want to be, but they know they know their jobs well enough." He took a sip of his warm milk. "We give everything our best as we always have."

"Have you asked Petra for her hand, yet?"

Levi choked on his stew, "Mother - "

"What? She's a pretty gal," she gave a laugh as she remembered back, "Remember that time she came to check on you?"

"She was giving me a message from the commander if memory serves correctly," Levi quickly retorted. He started trying to think of something to change the subject.

"Oh, Levi," his mother shook her head, "That was just excuse for her to come see you. Didn't you see the way her eyes lit up?"

"I'm her captain…" he muttered.

"So? I think it would be appropriate to marry the woman you battle with."

Levi's attempted a tone of finality, "I'm _not_ going to marry her."

His mother shrugged, "Junior warmed up to her well enough. Didn't she look just like a mother the way she held him?"

Levi scoffed and tried to change the subject, "Is that the nickname you gave him?"

"He's a spitting image of you!" she remarked cheerily.

"Maybe. If it weren't for his hair."

"I cut his hair just fine, thank you!"

Levi ruffled his hair with his fingers, "I've been thinking about giving him my kind of haircut…"

His mother levelled her gaze coldly upon him, "You want to be able to walk out of here on your own two feet?"

Levi replied sarcastically, "You'd do that to 'humanity's strongest soldier'? To your own son?"

"You'd have time to mend," she said as she leaned back in her chair, "You said you had a few days break."

Levi chuckled, "I did, didn't I?"

They continued on like that for a while. It had been a long time since Levi had been able to come back here, and he very much enjoyed his time with his mother. Afterwards, he walked slowly over to the same room he had peered into earlier. Small toys were gathered in a little pile in one corner, and books lined a small shelf in the other. In the middle of the room was a large bed, a hand-me-down from his uncle, and cuddled up into a little ball on one side was a little boy (not much older than eight or nine) much too small for the adult sized bed. Levi walked slowly over to the other side, took off his boots, slowly peeled back the covers, and carefully eased himself in beside him. He rolled on his side to face the boy, and looked over him. His hair was tousled and little uneven, his skin was starting to get a dark, even tan, and it seemed he was already a little over half as tall as Levi.

He was smaller than this the last time Levi had seen him; he'd probably grow up to be taller than Levi, ironically. Hopefully they would be in a titan-free world by then. The tired man combed the boy's hair over with his fingers; he'd give the poor boy an even haircut tomorrow, whether his mother protested or not. He was like that for a good while, easing his fingers through the boy's hair while he thought of the past and the future, until the boy stirred. Levi stopped and let the boy wipe at his face and settle back in to deeper sleep. Then the lance corporal carefully kissed the boy's forehead and softly whispered, "Sleep well, my son." He closed his eyes and went off to peaceful slumber himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The light that filtered through the window was dim against Levi's eyes. As consciousness slowly returned to his still body and closed eyes, he became numbly aware of the constant patter and drumming of rain against the walls of the house and of a subtle excited shifting beside him. Levi slowly opened his eyes to see an excited pair of bright eyes almost exactly like his looking back. The child gasped and softly cried, "Daddy!" The child wrapped his arms around the corporal and buried his face in his father's chest. Levi smiled and hugged him back.

"Why didn't you wake me up when you got here?" his son curiously pleaded.

"A growing young man needs his rest," Levi replied, his voice still a little groggy. The rain picked up a little, sending a million little _tacks _ and _tuds_ against the wall and window as thunder rolled softly in the distance.

The child looked away for a bit as he thought it over, then looked back at his father, "I would've gone back to sleep…"

Levi chuckled as he brought the child into a tight hug. After a moment or two, the child spoke up almost with tears in his eyes, "I missed you, Daddy.".

Levi had to try hard not to cry himself, "I missed you too, son." He rubbed his son's back warmly. "So, so much."

"You're not going to have to leave again soon, are you?" The rain picked up a little, sending a million little _tacks _ and _tuds_ against the wall and window as thunder rolled softly in the distance

Levi turned that question painfully over in his mind, "I hope not, son. I really do. But you know I can't promise anything."

His son gave a sigh deeper than any child should have had reason to make, "Okay…" A quiet moment passed before the child spoke back up, "Did you at least kill a bunch of titans to make up for it?"

Levi chuckled again. "You shouldn't be worrying about that."

The child pouted a bit as the rain droned on against the walls.

"But yes," Levi said as he tousled his son's hair a bit, "I killed off a bunch of those titans for you."

His son giggled a bit as he tried to push his father's hand off of his head. "You scared them all off?!"

"All the ones that saw me. They _ran_ away!" The lance corporal gave his son a few tickling pokes.

The child giggled a bit more as he tried to push off the tickling. "Is it okay if I become a soldier like you one day, Daddy?"

Levi paused as he looked his son calmly in the eyes. Rain tattered and the thunder rolled firmly as it drew closer. "But there won't be any more titans by the time you're old enough to join the military." He gave his son another tickling poke or two. "I was gonna get them all for you, remember?"

His son started to laugh, then pushed his father's hands away and held them there. "Well…" the child sounded out thoughtfully, "Could you leave one? Just for me?"

Levi had to pause at that as he looked into his child's eyes. Even if it was a question asked in ignorance of the titan's terror, the fact that there were children all over asking these kinds of questions bothered him. The fact that _his_ child, whom he had strove so hard to protect – from whom he had ignored question after question to avoid exposing him to the scarring memories of titans – was asking him these kinds of things. He looked over his son. Nine years old… Three more years, and his son would be able to enlist into the military by his own will. Levi had been fighting hard to keep him safe, but soon his son would be able to choose for himself how safe he wanted to be. Soon, Levi would have to choose between training his son or urging him into continued blissful ignorance. _Blissful ignorance…_ An image of how the colossal titan must have looked like as it peeked over the wall creeped into the lance corporal's head. He had a gut feeling as to which it would be, but he still didn't like his options. He'd just have to trust the commander and hope they found a way to beat the titans before it came time for Levi to make that decision.

There was a knock on the door, and Levi's mother peeked around. "Good morning, boys! Are you feeling hungry yet?"

"Oh! Yes ma'am!" Levi's son piped.

The woman laughed, "Well, someone's feeling bright today!" She looked to Levi, who returned her smile appreciatively. "I'll go start on breakfast," she whispered quietly to Levi's son just before she slipped back out of the doorway. The thunder rolled once more.

"Well," Levi said as he slowly turned the covers back, "Let's get up, then."

Later, Levi emerged from the bedroom dressed in his military pants and a simple shirt as his son followed eagerly behind. His mother in the kitchen turned around to glance at the two.

"Why didn't you leave those things behind?" she remarked as she nodded towards his pants. "Don't you have something more comfortable to wear? I told you, this is your family, not the military."

Levi quickly sighed as he shook his head a little, "These are comfortable enough."

"They look really cool!" his son chimed in.

"Well of course _you'd_ think that," she replied as she set the first large plate of food on the table. "I can't think of the first child who doesn't think of the military that way."

Levi glanced outside and quickly changed the subject, "What's with the rain outside today? It was sunny when I came in yesterday." The sky had darkened a bit, and the rain continued its hammering against the house.

His mother looked outside the window as she prepared the next plate, "I don't know. I saw the clouds roll in last night, but it wasn't raining by the time I went to bed."

Levi lit another kitchen lamp and a candle or two before he sat down at the table. His son climbed up eagerly beside him. "I kinda like the rain," the child chirped as he shifted in his seat. "It sounds like tacks against the window," then he paused as he turned his head thoughtfully, "I don't like to be in it though." Levi and his mother both gave a small chuckle. She came to put down another plate down on the table.

"You know your father slept best in the rain when he was a baby," she thoughtfully remarked.

"Really?" the child asked as he looked up at him.

"Still do sometimes," he nodded.

"I wonder if titans like the rain," the child seamlessly added. Levi shifted a bit, but he knew the child's curiosity would be hard to suppress. Silence passed between the three for a second or two before the child turned to his father. "Do titans like the rain, Daddy?"

Levi paused for a moment before he carefully replied, "They don't like the dark."

"They don't?"

Levi shook his head, "They fall asleep when it gets dark."

The child thought for a moment, "Then why doesn't the Survey Corp…"

Levi's mother came over with the last plate and asked the child, "Would you like to say the blessing dear?"

"Oh!" the child chimed. Levi took his mother's hand and his child's, and the child took Levi's hand and his grandmother's. It was a prayer to God, not the walls. Levi's mother wouldn't have any of crazy mess and neither would Levi. To be honest, the corporal wasn't entirely sure where his faith laid, though he was more than sure it would be something other than wall worshipping.

Afterwards they continued with their meal. The rain and thunder pounding around them, Levi's mother picking on him about the military, the child asking about titans, Levi dodging the titans and trying to ask them about their lives when about twenty minutes in there was a knock on the door.

A shadow passed over the lance corporal's face as his demeanor hardened a bit. Levi's mother stood up, "It's still too early for your father to be home." She opened the door to reveal a somewhat stern-looking blue-eyed blonde man standing out in the rain under his green cloak.

"Commander!" she said, "What a pleasant surprise. Why don't you come in out of the rain?"

He peered out from under his green cloak as he looked at the woman, and then looked past her and locked eyes with Levi. They shared a knowing look for a moment before Erwin looked at the child as well.

"Thank you, I appreciate it, but…" he lowered his voice to a level Levi and his son couldn't hear, but Levi already knew. He would be heading back.

After a moment or two she said farewell and closed the door. The look on her face was disappointment – and perhaps a little anger. She sat down and Levi nodded knowingly at her, but they both turned to the child before them. He ate away at his breakfast innocently, not noticing their looks. Levi finished a last bite and got up to put his plate in the sink before he started walking back towards the bedroom.

"Daddy?" he called.

"I'll be just a moment," Levi said.

Levi's mother and the child sat in silence as she wondered just what to say or do. It had been so long since Levi was last here, and now he already had to go back. She knew his son wouldn't take it too well.

Levi returned with his green cloak on and bag in hand. The child looked up at him wide-eyed. "You're not leaving are you?"

The lance corporal had to fight back some tears. "I'm afraid so, son."

The child's response was immediate as he leapt down from his seat, "But you just got here!"

Levi walked over to his son and knelt down to his level. "I know… But Daddy has to go fight the titans," the word was sour in his mouth. "You know I have to go help keep everyone safe."

The child drooped his head as he looked down at the floor, his voice very quiet and solemn, "I don't want you to go…"

Levi wrapped his arms about his son. "I know. I wish I didn't have to."

They hugged each other tightly for a few silent moments as the thunder cracked and boomed above them. The child piped in, "Next time, I'll go fight so you won't have to!"

The lance corporal chuckled darkly, "It doesn't work like that son."

"I know…"

Levi gave his son a firm squeeze and walked over to say goodbye to his mother, who firmly and jokingly reminded him it was his fault for not leaving his equipment behind and to leave that military crap back at the barracks next time.

The lance corporal allowed himself just a moment to turn back and wave goodbye as he headed out the door. He pulled up his green hood and found the commander waiting for him just a few yards ahead with two horses. Levi went over and climbed up.

"I'm sorry," was the commander's very first words.

Levi was silent for a small while as they trotted down the road. The commander looked quietly and sullenly up ahead. "I trust your judgment, Erwin," Levi finally said calmly. "You know that."

"You can't say it doesn't hurt – going back there as little as you do." The commander closed his eyes as the responsibilities of his position once again weighed in on him. "It's not fair to you."

Levi gave a sarcastic scoff, "Life isn't about what's fair, Erwin." He turned his head to look towards the commander. "I thought you, of all people, would know that by now."

The commander thought for a moment before he looked forward once more, "That doesn't mean I won't have to answer to you – and to hundreds of others – when it's all said and done."

"I'll take victory over the titans as answer enough," Levi remarked. The commander turned to look at him; they met gazes and shared a small smile and chuckle before they continued on.


End file.
